Charisma - How To Develop More Of It!

by Laura Spicer

(Written specifically by the author for inclusion within this website)

To me, as an NLPer and Voice Coach, Charisma is something perfectly possible to develop more of for yourself. And, by the way, I don’t think it is an on off switch – more like a spectrum of more or less Charisma.

There are certain traits that at least most people who are perceived as very Charismatic have in common and to me, working at a big chunk level is the most useful way to go about starting to increase your Charisma.

I don’t think there is a correct body language or voice tone that would be THE one to appear Charismatic. I have heard and seen quite a few people who might be on your list of  very Charismatic people who have very different styles of communicating.

So it isn’t ‘stand this way’, or ‘use open body language and dulcet voice tones’ and you will be perceived as having ‘it’.

In the same way that Richard Bandler says NLP is an attitude that brings with it a trail of techniques, I believe the art of Charisma starts with attitude. Even more accurately, I think it starts with your State. Perhaps Charisma IS a State?

Your State is what is behind the way your voice sounds and the way you express yourself through your body language. You can learn to use for example, an open body posture but if you watch someone who has learned to do it by rote then it looks false and obvious. Some of the other articles on this site mention being authentic and authenticity starts with allowing yourself to convey what is really going on inside.

So what is going on inside someone with lots of Charisma? And is that any part of what causes people to perceive that person as Charismatic? Our State affects the people around you, the people listening to you and who are on the receiving end of your communications. Think about it, are there people who you just love hanging out with? People you prefer to do your training with?   People whom you want to follow? What is it about their State that magnetically (carismatically) attracts you to them?

If you agree that Charisma is a State and a magnetic State at that, then what are the thoughts inside that State? Anyone who has trained in NLP knows that your thoughts affect your feelings and your feelings affect your chemistry and they all affect each other and all of those things determine your responses and behaviours and how you come across.

So let me ask you a question. Have you ever seen anyone whom you consider to be Charismatic who seemed not to want to be there? If you watched Barack Obama give his inauguration speech were you thinking “he just wants to get to the end of this talk and get off the stage!” He may have been nervous and fluffed some of his lines but he was riding on the energy of all those people listening to him. You might be surprised at the numbers of people who want me to teach them to sound more Charismatic but who hate speaking to people!

We often hear of the sexual misdeeds and mistakes of Charismatic leaders. Do you think the Charismatic leaders you have heard or seen have high sexual or personal energy or low? What about the leaders who are so plainly lacking in Charisma – I am British and I think Gordon Brown might be a good example of a leader lacking Charisma. Do you think he is sexy and sexual? Do you think he is really enjoying himself when he is speaking in public? He rarely seems like he is having a good time to me. And do you think he is focussed more on us, the audience, or on himself? Does he seem comfortable or contrived? You might be surprised to discover how many people come to be taught to have more vocal Charisma who are busy feeling self conscious and worrying that nobody will like them. Time to get over it! The first rule of hypnosis surely applies here – if you want someone to go somewhere, go there first!

When I am teaching people how to use their voices more Charismatically, the first thing I work on is how they are thinking and feeling. Of course there are exercises to stretch pitch range and open up your voice and make it sound smoother, less nasal etc. But before ever I start with that kind of teaching I work on how to get a fabulous State running inside. Because, once you are in a fabulous, delicious State of one kind or another, it will naturally affect the way you sound. And your body language too. If you are loving being where you are and with whomever you are with, if you are beaming attractive feelings out to the people around you, it is definitely a step in the right direction!   And when you get into a great State and your voice resonates with that then it sounds natural and not contrived.

So to me, learning standard NLP skills of how to deliberately alter your State, and then knowing how to amplify it so it is really strong, is a really good first step to creating that magnetism that makes people want to be with you and to listen to you. It may not be the only ingredient for increasing Charisma but it is a useful first step! And to me, using the policy of ‘go there first’ is absolutely necessary here - are you enjoying the magnetic energy of the person or people you are talking to. People who hate public speaking are feeling that energy from the audience and hating it! I think that is part of what we perceive in Gordon Brown’s delivery. He appears to be afraid of his audience – understandably actually, we didn’t vote him in and he knows it!

And as you consider what you can do to be more magnetic, more Charismatic, then perhaps try out a few different wonderful States, amplify them hugely, beam them out generously to the people around you and then check out the responses.

Charisma is a big nominalisation and may mean different things to different people, but my guess is that it starts with filling yourself with your own unique selection of wonderful, interesting thoughts, strong feelings and desires and then being willing, or even better, really wanting to share all that wonderful energy with the people around you.

I want to end this little comment on Charisma with a quote from a very Charismatic personality – Steven Spielberg, who says that “sometimes I am too excited about the day ahead to eat my breakfast”.

If you have feelings like that inside and the thoughts that underpin those feelings then add to that a strong desire to share that with the rest of us and my guess is that you will find many people who are happy to share some of that with you. It might even feel magnetically attractive. Just a thought!

Laura Spicer
© 2009

Author: Laura Spicer is a leading voice coach, based in the UK. She specializes in bringing her own unique mixture of knowledge and experience into the process of helping people sound and speak more the way they want to. Laura has learned from the top people in the fields and assisted many people to improve their lives and enhance their performance. Website: www.Laura-Spicer.com