Secrets Of Charisma

by L. Michael Hall Ph.D.

 

What is charisma?

Is there such a thing?

If there is, how does it work?

Is charisma a given by nature or can it be developed and nurtured?

As you probably already know and suspect, like beauty, charisma is in the eye of the beholder. That’s why the list of people I consider having charisma, when compared to your list, will differ. So as we pull this nominalization apart to find the specific activities, actions, and qualities that make up this composite state of "charisma", we will identify a number of component pieces - elements that will not be the same for everybody. And yet in unique combination, those elements will create the quality of charisma in a given person.

Charisma is an attraction in a person, a powerful attraction that we consider somewhat (or very much) magnetic. And it is that attraction that the person exudes or that we feel and sense in them that pulls on us. And that’s why we want to see, hear, and be with him or her. In this experience of charisma we want to be in that person’s presence and to feel the energy and power and attractiveness and joy of his or her presence. Given that, what then is it that we find so attractive in the person with charisma? What are the attractions that give some people this seemingly mystical quality?

The Qualities of Charisma

It is also generally considered that charisma is a rare quality that is a not-so-common trait or feature in people. So typically we only experience charisma in a few exceptional people. This unique and rare factor then makes them stand out making this special quality all the more special. So what are the qualities that they have, and bring together in their personality, and exude that causes this gestalt of “charisma?”

To answer this I made a list of some of the people that I saw on television or read about during the month that I wrote this (May, 2008) which strike me as having this quality. My list included Tom Hanks, Julie Roberts, Jim Carey, Rudy Guiliani, Will Smith, Bill Murray playing “Bob” in the movie, “What about Bob?” in contrast with the character, a psychiatrist, played by Richard Dryfus, and Barack Obama. Asking these questions identifies the elements and variables that make up charisma. So our answers are made up of the personality traits that we readily sense in someone with charisma. And what are they? They are made up of such things as:

-          Being real and authentic

-          Being warm, personable, and open  

-          Being caring, compassionate     

-          Being strong and firm

-          Having energy and passion                   

-          Being committed and focused

-          Being charming and playful                 

-          Being sexual and sensual

When all of these elements come together in a particular person, then we generally sense the uniqueness of the person, and his or her energies. We pick up on the vibrations of their energy and so we feel attracted, mesmerized, hypnotized, and even seduced. We find the person’s uniqueness captivating. Movie stars, politicians, people in the news, religious leaders, and activists seem to be the people that we mostly associate with “charisma” or of whom we say, “he or she is charismatic.”

The Neuro-Semantics of Charisma

-          What does “charisma” mean?

-          What do you believe about it?

-          How can you embody more of the factors that give you more charisma in your interactions?

Charisma, as a quality of personality, involves how you do your personality, how you order your person in how you think, emote, speak, and act which together creates the construct of “personality.”                                                                        

Degrees of Charisma

Can there be degrees of charisma? Could we make a list of people and then place them along a continuum from “no charisma” to “high and absolute charisma?” If we made a 0-to-10 scale, how would we distinguish someone at the medium level (4-6) from the high charisma person (7-8) from the person who expresses an absolute charisma that all would acknowledge (9-10)?

 

10 - Energetic, passionate

  * - Caring; full of life

  * - Thoughtful; set the pace and frames

  * - Fun/ playful

  * - Engaging

  * - Communicates positive emotions: love, hope, excitement

  * - Self-absorbed, low energy

  * - Depressed, apathetic

  * - Communicates negative emotions: fear, anger, distress

  * - Conveys gloom, grimness, hopelessness

  0

If there are degrees, if charisma is not an all-or-nothing trait, then there must be ingredients, qualities, behaviors, attitudes, states, language patterns, etc. that contribute to either increasing as well as decreasing one’s charisma. The degrees of charisma means that there are features that can make it fuller and richer.

Now we could detail these qualities into sensory specifics (visual, auditory, kinesthetics, etc.) and discover the behavioral equivalents of charisma. If we did, we would possibly end up relating it to smiling, looking into the eyes, standing tall, using a person’s name, touching on the shoulder, and so on. We could then make a list of these as the behavioral equivalents of charisma. Yet in doing that, are we really detailing the heart of charisma? Or could we be only getting the behaviors that for one or many people in a certain context and time convey charisma which may not apply to other people who have charisma?

Would copying these behavioral equivalents give us “charisma?” It could. Would it necessarily create charisma? Would it do so consistently with all people? I think the answer is obvious, “No, it would not.” So there’s something else to charisma. Charisma has a gestalt quality to it. When all of the elements come together we have “something more than they sum of the parts” - a gestalt state of an attitude, disposition, and responsiveness.

Dimensions of Charisma

There’s also dimensions of charisma. If charisma is personality attractiveness, then physical attractiveness will be one of the dimensions, and probably the first dimension. It is the first thing we notice about a person. Another would be the attractiveness of the person’s style of talking (communicating, using words), style of relating (interacting with others and how one makes others feel), style of leading, style of presenting oneself, style of engagement, style of influencing, etc.

 

* Physical: symmetrical, healthy, fit, strong, beautiful

* Energy: passion, focused, engaged

* Emotionally: open, vulnerable

* Relationally: present, pleasant, kind, warm, gracious

* Developmentally: growing, appropriate to age, inquisitive

* Attitudinally: positive, optimistic, encouraging, resilient

* Linguistically: has a way with words, elegant expressions, expressive

A person can be attractive in one or more dimensions while not in another. That’s why a person who is not physically attractive can be attractive in other ways - in his actions (what he does, what he fights for, etc.) and in the way he relates. Danny DeVito strikes me as a person with charisma, although most would not find his stature or build physically attractive. So what endows him with a charismatic energy and presence? It is his way with his words, actions, gestures, and relating. It’s the way he uses his energy, his passions, and his personality.

The Real Core of Charisma

Given this, what if “charisma” has many facets and expressions? What if there are a dozen or dozens of kinds of personalities that might express different configurations of charisma? If so, we can model dozens of kinds of charisma.

Or perhaps, and this is my intuitive hunch, perhaps to have charisma involves one pattern or meta-pattern which allows for a great many variations. What if having charisma most essentially involves a person being real and authentic to him or herself?  What if it involves actualizing one’s uniqueness and making the most of what you have to offer? If so then the core of charisma is being authentic - being a real live human being with passion, energy, excitement, with no need to conform to a specific social image or try to be someone else. If this is the heart of charisma, then all you have to do to add a touch of charisma is to discover your real identity and develop it sufficiently to release your best qualities in the service of a greater ideal that you find meaningful.

Now, if charisma comes from being your self, being true and integrated with yourself, then charisma is a function of the self-actualization process. This means that the more we actualize our highest and best self, the more charisma we will find that we have and that others will sense in us. And this then leads to several things: presence, being-ness, energy, focus, excitement, meaning.

 

Presence:

When someone has charisma, that person has a strong presence. The person has assumed full ownership of him or herself and is becoming a real person rather than a paper person. The person has answered for him or herself the existential and identity questions: Who am I? What’s my purpose? What do I have to offer? What makes me unique?

 

Beingness:

To merely put on “presence,” or being-ness, in order to manage your image is not the same thing and does not have the same effect on others. Today image-management has grown to become an art form. But image-management is staged and planned. It is a manipulation that at some level uses others to feel good about ourselves. Charisma is being, just being, it is fully and authentically being oneself.

 

Energy and excitement:

The person with charisma generally exudes a lot of energy and aliveness. From the person’s vitality and aliveness comes a heart-felt excitement about some passion or purpose. He or she lives for something more and bigger than self. The person lives intentionally and on purpose and we can feel the pulse of that purpose from them. If self-centeredness makes a person smaller, than giving oneself to causes bigger than ourselves expands us.

 

Focus:

The person with charisma focuses has a laser-beam focus about his or her passion. This focus directs the energy, amplifies it, and prevents it from being scattered. A person finds a life niche, specializes in it, and develops mastery in it.

 

Meaning:

The person with charisma lives, creates, and exudes not only meaning but meaningfulness. There’s a fullness to the meanings the person experiences, and it is a life-affirming meaningfulness that enriches all who it touches.

 

The Bottom Line

Precisely because charisma is a complex state, a gestalt state, it is not easily modeled. That’s because there’s a mixture of meta-states within charisma. Yet there are secrets of charisma. The primary secret of the attractiveness of charisma is that it emerges as a person becomes authentically real and discovers how to use his or her best qualities of mind and emotion to enrich the lives of others. It emerges as you actualize your highest values and visions and best skills and competencies. It is a gestalt state that combines your uniqueness in a self-actualizing way. So, here’s to your charisma!

 

L. Michael Hall Ph.D.

© 2008

 

Author: L. Michael Hall, Ph.D. is a cognitive behavioral and self-actualization psychologist, author of 40 books, many best sellers in the field of NLP, international trainer and keynote speaker, developer of the field of Neuro-Semantics and Meta-Coaching, and modeler. Dr Hall's work is recognized worldwide for its innovation and diversity. Websites: www.NeuroSemantic.com                   www.Self-Actualizing.org